Kaitlyn Elkins medical student suicides Kathryn Stascavage, 27 mother

Kaitlyn Nicole Elkins, age 23 of Winston-Salem, died Thursday, April 11, 2013. She is preceded in death by her grandfather, William A. Elkins. She is survived by her parents, Allyn Elkins and Rhonda S. Elkins of Clarkton; paternal grandmother, Eunice Elkins of Clarkton; maternal grandparents, U.V. and Lucille Sellers of Whiteville; and a sister, Stephanie Alford and husband Steven of Leland. Kaitlyn was a medical student at Wake Forest School of Medicine. she was an avid runner and talented artist. The family will receive friends on Sunday, April 14, 2013 from 6:00 to 8:00 p.m. at Bladen-Gaskins Funeral Home. A Graveside Service will be held on Monday, April 15, 2013 at Clarkton Cemetery at 3:00 p.m. officiated by Clp. Jim Bartlett.

In Memory of My Daughter, Kaitlyn Nicole Elkins (suicide)
September 27, 2013 ~ Peggy Sweeney

by Rhonda Sellers Elkins

On April 11, 2013, I got the most dreaded call that any parent could ever get. A call from the police in the town where my 23-year-old daughter, Kaitlyn was starting her third year of medical school at Wake Forest School of Medicine.  He said he had to talk with me about my daughter and that I had to go there to be told what he had to say.  I begged this man to tell me then, as I would have a three and a half hour drive to Winston-Salem.

My initial split second thought was, “Kaitlyn is in trouble!  She’s never been in trouble in her life”. Then my thoughts turned to other things and the blood left my body as he told me what happened. He said that she was deceased.  I envisioned her getting into an auto accident.

   When I asked him what had happened, he said that she had taken her own life.  My world and everything I’ve ever known came crashing to an end at that moment.

How could this have happened?  My daughter seemed to be the most together person I have ever known in my life.  Graduated valedictorian from Whiteville High School, graduated summa cum laude from Campbell University in two and a half years and got accepted to medical school where she could pursue her lifelong dream of being a doctor. She was doing extremely well in it.  She had friends. She had just taken a Step One medical board exam that she felt she did well on.  She was an artist, a writer, avid runner, she had common sense and was wise well beyond her years.  She was excelling and seemed to have the world in her grasp.

I had just seen Kaitlyn the weekend before as she had come home for a few days for Easter.  We had a wonderful mother/daughter day and we went shopping, out to eat and the movies.  We had a wonderful time and she seemed totally happy.  How could this have happened?

She wrote my husband and I a two page suicide note, as well as letters to some of her friends and her sister, Stephanie. In this letter, she stated that she had been sad all of her life and had worked very hard all her life to hide it and protect us from it.  She said that she knew she would have been a successful doctor, wife and mother, but that she was exhausted from the weight of the sadness she had had all her life, could not go on, and this was what made sense to her.  She stated that I might wonder why she had not sought help and that she did not know why herself.

She was a high achiever, but we never put any pressure on her to succeed because she set these high goals for herself.

The reason I am writing this letter is to tell all parents, friends, or spouses, that no matter how happy someone seems to be, there may be a devastating depression within that they are hiding.  Parents, ask your children from time to time, “how are you really doing?” and make them talk about their feelings.  As you do this, I hope that they are forthcoming with you. My daughter was not and we had a very good and close relationship.

I’m devastated by her loss, lost in a sea of “what could have been”, the wonderful life that she could have continued to have had.  But I celebrate her life, thanking God that I had the honor of having this beautiful being in my life for 23 years.  But I wish I had more.

If this letter helps at least one person to come forward with their depression, or a loved one to ask about it and have that child open up to them, then it is worth it.

Rest in peace my beautiful daughter, the peace that I thought you already had.  And as I’ve always told you, I love you bigger than the universe.

About the Author: Rhonda has been married to a wonderful man, Allyn for 32 years. She lives in North Carolina and is a registered nurse and has been for twenty years, but she has not worked since April 12, 2013, the day she learned of Kaitlyn’s death. Rhonda and Allyn have two daughters: Stephanie, who is now 27, and Kaitlyn who died at the age of 23.  She can think of many things that would identify her before, avid reader, loves to RV, travel, ride our motorcycle, but all she is now is a grieving pile of mess. Rhonda is the author of the book, My Bright Shining Star: A Mother’s True Story of Brilliance, Love and Suicide.

bright star“After losing my daughter Kaitlyn to suicide 4-11-13, I was not only grief stricken, but totally shocked that my brilliant, highly achieving, seemingly happy daughter, who never showed signs of depression could take her own life.  She had just started her 3rdyear of medical school and was doing well.  My grief sent me on a quest for answers.  I researched and wrote.  Eventually, my research and writing became the catalyst for writing my book.  My book is about my daughter, her life, her suicide, the hidden depression of so many gifted people as well as letters from professionals, short articles, letters from her friends and so much more.  It is personal and sad, but it is my belief that within its covers is a warning to parents, teachers, counselors and the many highly achieving young people with hidden depression that they must let someone know they are depressed and seek help because if they don’t, it could lead to suicide.  My daughter never told anyone about her depression until her suicide note and she never sought help for reasons she could not explain. But I have written about many possibilities of why she did not.  I don’t want this to happen to anyone.  I want people to know that severe depression is not always obvious.” Rhonda Sellers Elkins

Bereaved Parents 150X150

This will probably be the last entry I will put here.  I don’t think most folks are interested in getting sad over the reality of suicide and perhaps this is just a place to put fiction, poems, etc.  I think this is the most important piece I will enter because I want people to know what kind of person was lost from suicide 4-11-13.

These are some of the kinds of people we are losing to the horrible disease of depression.  Here is my entry, but it’s mostly my daughter’s beautiful words and thoughts on life.  She was an amazing person.  Amazing people are not immune to depression.  I introduce my daughter, Kaitlyn Nicole Elkins.  Thank you for letting me post my few entries.

In Kaitlyn’s things that I brought home from her apartment was an old hardback book that had empty lines where you can write.  Kind of like a diary type book.  She started the entries in 2007 when she was 17 years old.  It is filled with many love poems, many poems about life, other people’s lives, her feelings, prose, stories and the like.

She wrote in this book until 8-13-08 which makes me assume she quit when she went off to college.  It was only half full.  She never wrote in this book again.  In her things I never found anything else she wrote, no more poetry or prose anywhere to be found.  However I am sure she probably typed anything else she wanted onto a word document.  I don’t know.  I do know she wrote poetry while she was in undergrad because I found some of it online on a blog of hers and on some things her college had online.

I don’t know why she kept this so long.  I don’t know why it was in the midst of her more recent belongings, but I’m glad to have it.  Kaitlyn was a very deep and introspective person.  She was always optimistic and enthusiastic for the future.

I would never, ever print something that would embarrass her, or write any of her love poems on here, (which were all very good), but there is one thing I want to put here that she wrote and it was the very first entry of hers in this book. This will be the only thing in this book I will give to the public.   Kaitlyn lived the things she wrote about in this entry.  She lived life to the fullest and she appreciated so much in life.  She had great ideals and hope for the future.  I wanted everyone to know how full of life and wisdom she was even at the age of 17 and she lived the life she wrote about.  The sad thing is, on the day of 4-11-13, depression had made her forget about every single thing she wrote here.  But she lived this life for just as long as she could, until it was taken away by the depression that killed her.

But here is the real Kaitlyn that lived.

A Letter to my Younger Self by Kaitlyn Elkins 8-24-07
First this: love and love often.  Love like yesterday never happened and today is all you have, all you’ll ever have.  Love like it’s the only thing that matters because you’ll soon find that it truly is. Say I love you, but show it more than that.  Let your love be strong, and let it be for all:  The underserving, the unworthy.  Let it be willing to be unrequited, but let it be willing to be returned as well.  Let yourself be loved, even when you don’t deserve it.  Open yourself up to the power of love: how it can make the ugly beautiful, the weak strong, the fearful courageous.  Make your life a love song, real and unromantic.

Learn to pursue.  Pursue people, relationships, knowledge, wisdom, and truth but most of all truth.  Saturate yourself with what is true when you find it and fight fiercely to keep it close, build your life on its foundations.  Know that you will have to fight to keep what is precious to you, be willing to.  Don’t be passive, don’t be complacent, don’t be content where you are.  Know that you could be better; know that uphill battles are the only ones worth winning.

Give of yourself.  Don’t be selfish, don’t seal up your heart.  Know that you are a treasure, that you are precious and beautiful.  Know that every single person you meet is just as valuable.  Try to realize how important people are and conclude that you will never fully know.  Invest in people, in relationships.  Challenge your friends and be challenged by them.  Grow with people, alongside them.  Keep your promises. Sacrifice yourself; your comfort, your fear, your laziness, your apathy for those who need you.  Learn to need as well.  Be willing to lean on a friend, be willing to trust.  Bare your soul.  Let others be changed by you, and change for them also.  Cherish everyone.

Discover who you are.  Learn why you are here, discover what your purpose is, find out where it is you should be going.  Cherish the journey, but always face your destination.  Don’t betray yourself, follow your heart and never stop searching.  Be willing to take chances, to risk.  Know that living your life means you won’t always be safe. Don’t long for what is comfortable or easy, but for what is true and good and pure.  Know that you will probably get hurt along the way.  Know that the victors carry heavy scars.  But know that you will find what your heart cries out to.

Know that you are imperfect, that you will make mistakes.  Don’t put yourself on a pedestal, or in a hole in the ground.  Discover that you are missing something, that you need something outside yourself.  Begin to know that you’re not in this alone nor could you survive it alone.  Learn to forgive yourself and others; constantly.  Never give up on yourself or on others.  Don’t veil yourself, the mistakes you’ve made, the flawed person you are. Don’t put on pretense, don’t be ashamed of yourself.  Know that you are human, but learn from your failures and become stronger because of them.

Express yourself.  Dance, sing, laugh and cry and smile when you are moved to.  Do not live under fear.  Do not do what is appropriate, do not conform, do not fit a stereotype; be true to yourself.  Be passionate; keep your flame burning brightly. Appreciate others who do the same.

Learn to hope.  Know that where you will end up is better than where you started.  Have confidence that you will get there, that you will get there not entirely by your own hands.  Have faith that promises made to you will be fulfilled.  Learn to trust.  Be willing to go through the valley before you can reach the mountain top.  Know that you won’t get there alone, that you’ll be able to share your joy with others.  Be patient, hold out for things you cannot see, but you know are there waiting.  Know that you will get where you’re going

To everyone who knew her, Kaitlyn Elkins was a happy, intelligent, compassionate and extremely talented young medical student with a bright future ahead. However, behind her warm smile and string of impressive achievements lurked a dark secret - depression; something that she hid so well from all those who knew and loved her. This is the story about a mother's quest to find some answers as to how her daughter, who seemed so happy on the outside, could hide such a dark, horrible depression that ultimately led to her suicide. It is a story about her wonderful daughter's life, the lives she touched, the search for answers, the stigma of mental illness, the great love and deep bond they shared. The book also incorporates insightful experiences from other depression sufferers, contributions from Kaitlyn's friends and views from medical professionals. This heartrending memoir of love and loss also serves as a caution to parents, teachers, counselors and young people that depression can lurk among the high achieving, that they hide it expertly and, if not reported and treated, can lead to suicide. It is a warning to everyone.

SKA2 (spindle and kinetochore associated complex subunit 2) is a human gene.[1] Its protein product associates with the kinetochore in a protein complex with SKA1, and assists mitosis.[2] Genetic variants of SKA2 and epigenetic modifications of SKA2 have been linked to suicidal thoughts and behaviour in one study.[3][4]

Rhonda Gay Elkins

   July 16, 1960 - August 29, 2014
   Clarkton, North Carolina


mrs. Rhonda Gay Elkins, 54, of Clarkton passed away on Friday, August 29, 2014.
Rhonda was preceded in death by her beloved daughter, Kaitlyn Elkins, and father-in-law, William A. Elkins.

She is survived by her husband, Allyn Elkins of the home; her parents, UV and Lucille Cartrette Sellers of Whiteville; her daughter, Stephanie Alford and husband Steve of Leland; her mother-in-law, Eunice Elkins; three sisters, Judy Herring, Sherry Smith and Gail Lynch all of Whiteville, and many nieces and nephews.

A graveside service will be held on Sunday, August 31, 2014 at 2:00 pm at Clarkton Cemetery with Rev. Mitchell Smith officiating.

In lieu of flowers gifts may be made on line to the Kaitlyn Elkins Student Wellness Fund (3022) at www.wakehealth.edu/onlinegift.htm. If you would like to mail a gift, you can send it to the Office of Development and Alumni Affairs, Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center, PO Box 571021, Winston-Salem, NC 27157-1021.
The family will greet friends at Ms. Eunice Elkins home,3438 N.C. Hwy E. Clarkton N.C. 28433

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/834434_3 wrote:
A sweet, good girl. Kaitlyn never gave her parents any problems (though she cried when she lost at Monopoly). From the time she started preschool, she never needed any help with her homework or anything. At 3 years old, she had to get glasses. Her parents took her to the big medical center where the doctor asked lots of questions. He'd look at the parents for answers, but Kaitlyn answered them all. The doctor was amazed.

In high school, Kaitlyn was a deep thinker, an artist, a poet. I met her extended family in North Carolina. They claim, "Kaitlyn was one of the happiest people on this Earth."

An introvert with social anxiety, Kaitlyn always had a few close friends but none in med school. Everyone was busy studying, and "people just went their own way," she told her mom. She was desperately lonely. Her perfectionism worsened. She went on a strict diet, started running marathons, and lost a lot of weight. She ran like 10-12 miles before class every day and still excelled in med school, acing her Step One exam. Unfortunately she didn’t live to celebrate her results because she completed her suicide—a helium overdose—like a well-planned school project. She left a two-page suicide note in which she claimed lifelong depression but hid it to protect her family and herself.

As an aside, I believe that Kaitlyn suffered less from depression and more from "feeling different and isolated" due to her high intellect. She was raised in the poorest county in North Carolina and was the smartest person around. Maybe she had hoped that when she entered medical school, she would finally be with her tribe—a social circle of more like-minded intellectuals. But medical school rarely creates an environment for students to develop intimate friendships with one another. These young sensitive and brilliant people are left to fend for themselves in survival mode with an overwhelming amount of material to master in a short time with little emotional support.

I can guarantee that many medical students cry themselves to sleep at night in their pillows. That's what I did nearly every night my first year of medical school. I cried so much that one morning my eyelids were sealed shut. I couldn't see anything when I woke up. I had to feel my way to the bathroom. Is this the way a civilized society trains its healers?

Kaitlyn's grieving mother—unable to recover from her daughter's death—died by helium overdose 1 year later. I attended her funeral

Here we have Kaitlyn Elkins, a third-year medical student. Perfect child. Everyone dreams of having a child like this. She doesn’t curse or drink or do drugs, and is home on time for dinner, straight-A student. Valedictorian. Brilliant, gifted, artistic. A deep existential thinker. She grew up in rural North Carolina, probably had the highest IQ for 100 miles around. Being a gifted person can be a lonely experience because you feel different from everyone else. You feel sort of more responsible than everyone else. You’re the president. You’re the valedictorian. You don’t really have a peer support group because nobody is like you. Life can be lonely.

Why did Kaitlyn end up dying by suicide as a third-year medical student near the top of her class? I believe she was hoping when she got to med school she could finally be with her tribe of like-minded, high IQ, deep existential thinkers. We are brothers and sisters in medicine. We are a family. We have a whole heck of a lot on common. Yet medical education is delivered in such a way that pits students against each other in a fear-driven atmosphere that is competitive, not collaborative, to the point where the first day of medical school they’ll welcome students with a threat: “Look around the room. Half of you won’t be here next year.”

Challenging to bond with each other under such threats. This woman ended up dying by loneliness, which is totally preventable. We can prevent this by changing the atmosphere. We could welcome first years into the family. The dean could pass out her cell phone number and say, “Hey, I’m here for you. You’re the cream of the crop. We won’t let you fail.“ Orientation could be a time for people to make lifelong friendships. We could start nurturing our gifted students instead of terrorizing them to learn—a horrific strategy for everyone and especially for gifted, sensitive people. Public humiliation and terror as a teaching tool is catastrophic for our mental health.

I became very close with Kaitlyn’s mom, who died by suicide a year later completely heartbroken that she lost her daughter. I ended up at her funeral. I have to tell you standing at a funeral where you see one headstone with that beautiful, blonde-haired, 23-year-old woman and then the pile of dirt and the casket of her mother who I’ve had a million phone conversations that I never met in person until I was next to her dead body with my hand on her casket—this is a scene out of a nightmare.

Her husband who’s the sweetest man, not a vengeful bone in his body, not an angry person, a very sweet kind guy, I hung out with the whole family for the afternoon after this memorial service, this devastated family in rural North Carolina. I asked him, “Do you think if your daughter worked at Walmart or went into real estate or did something else, do you think your family, your wife and your daughter would still be alive?” Sweet guy says, “Yes. Medical school has killed half my family.”

Heather Blower, 18,, was found dead by her twin sister after hanging herself in her bedroom surrounded by family photographs two days after Christmas and leaving a note saying 'Sorry xxxx'

   Heather Blower, 18, died after coming home from a party with her friends
   She told pals she loved them but 'just wanted to go to sleep'
   Her twin sister Heidi later returned home to find Heather's body
   Inquest told she had struggled with depression